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In Lola’s eyes…..

 

People pray for you, or you are in their thoughts while you are mourning your freaking dog. I mean, yes, for a few days, but then, like a friend told me: “Get over it!”. So, hold on, here, am I supposed to forget that I had a beautiful amazing black Labrador Retriever, and that after 4 days, I have to get over his loss, otherwise I might start to bore some people? It’s getting old? Yeah, you know what? Not for me!

And I just talked to Sophie about it who has been mourning her brother since Tuesday, and she is not ready to get over it either. She stays by the glass door opening to the dogs’ backyard, still expecting him. I showed her his collar, I made her smell a bunch of his hair, and I am trying to make her understand that he is gone, but she is not ready to understand it. She wants to believe that she is going to see her rambunctious brother coming from out of the blue, and that they are going to chase squirrels and birds together again. I can feel the lassitude in some people’s voice, meaning: “Yes we know, but what do you want us to do about it? We have been there for you the day it happened, but you have to move on!”

The thing is that the whole balance in my home has been shattered by George’s death. Of course, nobody cares but me since I am the one to live here with the mutts. They lost their ranks in the pack, and they don’t know where they fit anymore. I never realized before, that, most likely, George was the alpha! And now, my pack is totally lost without him. They just don’t know how they fit in the puzzle anymore. Jack decided that to be safe, he had to follow me everywhere, and I mean everywhere. It went to a point where I go to do my grocery shopping with him, and as far as today, nobody had the guts to discuss his presence in any store.

Sophie is waiting for him. She did not eat anything for three days. Today, I feel good because she managed to accept the food that I hand fed her. Not a lot, but a good cup, and she drank too, but she won’t move. I have to go to her. Sophie was my free spirited girl, and it hurts to see her so docile, so still, so not alive.

So yes, I am sorry to say we are still mourning George, and I will not bother anyone with it, but it’s becoming now so obvious that my pack is lost without his leader. Max, my little one, is keeping a low profile and taking advantage of the fact that I don’t have the heart to put anyone in a crate at night the way I did before. So, he sleeps with me, on the pillow next to mine, and is enjoying every minute of it even though he is not sure he can show it, so he is pretty poised about it. You know what? I just realized tonight that I haven’t seen a wagging tail since I came back without George. It just hit me! My mutts are not wagging any tails!

How can I explain to them that I did not get rid of George? That he is just gone? At least with a child, you can manage an explanation, but with my mutts? They follow every move I make, they invade my bathroom while I am taking a shower but what do they think? Am I the bad guy who took their brother away?

Amazingly, Lola, the Mom, doesn’t seem to have changed anything in her routine since George’s disappearance. She barks at me to get up in the morning, she barks again to get her food faster, she barks by the door because it’s just time to play ball. But a minute ago, she just took George’s favorite toy in her mouth and flew away upstairs to my bedroom, and I found her on my bed with the toy next to her, and she is looking at me with her big eyes, and the only thing I could see in hers is an infinite sadness.

So, to make a long story short, yes we are still in mourning mode, and we don’t know how long it will take to get over our sorrow, but I know that soon tails will be wagging. They owe it to George!

 

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2 Responses to “In Lola’s eyes…..”

  1. Ric says:

    Thats right D, it takes as long as it takes. My heart goes with you. Undoubtedly Zeus is there helping George to learn all the new ropes. They will wait patiently.

    Hugs to you Mutt Ma!
    Ric

  2. Dominique says:

    Im sorry Dominique for your loss and the pain. And its affect on the rest of the mutts. I guess in time they will follow your lead. Healing takes time. No excuses needed. Love you. Domi

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